Life is a path of never-ending choices

Life is full of so many choices. The choices you make effect the next choices you make etc etc. Sometimes I wish that all the choices that we made were the right ones, but then wouldnt life be boring and unpredictable?? Is having the "perfect life" the way to go? If we had a choice, to either have the right decisions made for us or choose ourselves, which would we do? The choices we make, make us who we are. Sometimes we make bad choices and we suffer the consequences and then sometimes we make the right choices and enjoy the rewards. Then when we have children, we have to make choices for them too. It never ends. I often sit and think that if the choices I make or have made (in the past) are the right ones. I don't necessarily regret anything I've done, because at one point it's what I wanted.

4th of July

We didn't have a big party for the the 4th of July (my mom says it because she doesn't have the money because SHE has a wedding to pay for), but no biggie. We just had a few people over at my moms house. The kids swam and we bbq'd and lit off some fireworks (which Ryan didn't like very much)

Ryan in his 4th of July shorts hangin in the pool

My dad playing with Ryan in the pool


Ryan and Travis playing in their cozy coupes

Ryan and Travis playing in the pool

The boys eating

Ryan just hanging out

The boys just hanging out

Change takes time

Change takes time......

Well isn't that the story of my life. Sometimes I feel like I am the most impatient person in the world. I feel like things are so out of my reach. It's frustrating. It was about a year ago when me and mike made the decision to move back to california so he could go back to school. The year feels like it has gone by so fast, but so slow at the same time. Mike is done with school and looking for a job (well, he actually got offered a job, but is not sure if he wants to drive the 405 everyday). I try to think about moving out and I just dont see how that is going to happen. It's so expensive, it's just not fair. You try to be a good person and make the right choices in life and work hard for the things that you want and just hope that things fall into place. it's frustrating when your almost there and then life throws you a curve ball. I know people who have things handed to them or just seem to have all the luck in the world, what the hell happened to me? Where was I when god was giving people breaks? I'm not saying my life is horrible. I appreciate everything in my life, things could always be worse. I just wish things were easier. But I guess everyone feels that way at some point or another. I think about getting our own place and being able to afford to take Ryan on vacations and trips and what about having another child? I know how expensive that is, how are we ever going to afford that and still have the quality of life that we want to have. I look 5 years into the future and think about all the things that I want and just can't figure out how it's all going to happen. I can barely save money and when I do, something comes up and POOF there goes all of that money and then it takes me another 6 damn months to save it again. I'm stuck, i'm stuck in a big rut. I try to be positive and looks at things from a different prospective, but it's really hard at times. Sometimes I can't sleep at night because all I think about is money, money, money. I've realized that I will never have enough money. I just want so badly to have our own lives, our own place and to be able to do things on our own without the help of everyone else. Believe me, I appreciate all of the help that we have gotten. We wouldn't we where we are today without it. I just want us to be able to do it on our own. Sometimes I feel like we will be living here forever...........................